you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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