Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Someone shattered a urinal.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
