The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
