I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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