Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
