Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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