Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
