Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
