oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
