hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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