Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
