So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Randomize
