god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
