Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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