Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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