Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
