I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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