I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
