i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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