i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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