I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
