Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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