Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
