yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
