I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
