Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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