My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
