my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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