my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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