I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
