You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
