Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
