I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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