did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I love having hate sex.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
