I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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