she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
