just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
