Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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