how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
