Your mouth is God's brothel.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
