matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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