Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
