you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
