How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
