Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
