Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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