i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
