.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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