awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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