Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
