I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
