why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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