my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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