I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
