hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
