Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
