wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Fuck appropriateness.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
